Staying Strong through Trials

If you keep up with my other blog or with me on Facebook you know that right now I am going through a very difficult time. On June 23 I found out that I was pregnant. I was ecstatic! It took us 3 years to conceive Carly and we had not been doing anything to prevent getting pregnant again since Carly was 3 months old. We had actually talked about adopting if we weren't pregnant again by the time Carly turns 3 (May 7, 2010). This seemed like God's answer to a lot of prayers.

Because Zach is a pastor and Iam a stay at home mom, we don't make a lot of money. When I found out I was pregnant, we went to get me on Medicaid. That process takes a little bit of time, especially because we needed to change our license to our new address. When I called the Dr.'s office they put my appt. out pretty far to give me time to get my medicaid situated.

The day we went into the office we were under the impression that I was 13 weeks pregnant. We were super excited b/c we knew we would have an ultrasound and get to see our child. When the Dr. did the ultrasound he said that we had to be seriously off by the dates b/c I was only showing 6 weeks. He explained that either it could be the dates were off or that there was a chance that something was wrong. We made an appt to come back in 2 weeks to check again.

After 2 weeks and 18 hours we found out that our unborn child was no longer there. We now have to prepare for me to have surgery tomorrow to rid me of the leftover tissue. Because I am a nurse, I know that tomorrow the the specimen container will be marked "product of conception". Maybe this is too technical for you. If so stop reading now! I am serious. Tomorrow,I will go into a hospital and get an IV put into my arm. They will make me wear an embarassing gown so they can do what they need to. I will be wheeled into a cold, sterile room. They will put a plastic mask over my face. If a certain anesthesiologist is there he will say, "If it smells like plastic, that's b/c it is". They will inject my veins with a white liquid called Propofol. I will go to sleep. They will position me (not in a fun way) and prep me for surgery. I will skip the rest b/c no one wants to know...Let me just say that it will not be plesant and I am glad I will be asleep. Then I will wake up and no longer be pregnant.

It would be very easy for me to get angry with God right now. To blame Him for the heartache that Zach and I are experiencing. However I realize that God is in control and not out to harm me. He created us to love Him and be loved by Him.

This is truly evident in the LOVE He has shown me using my brothers and sisters in Christ. I have felt a huge outpouring of love from everyone around me.

So I choose to praise Him in the storm.
"You give and take away, You give and take away, My heart will choose to say, Lord, Blessed Be Your Name"